When You Hurt…I Hurt

There is an element of being a pastor that nobody really understands until they are in the trenches. There is a part of this job for which nothing in Bible College or Seminary can adequately prepare a person.

When you hurt…I hurt.

As a pastor we are called to love, shepherd & guide the people under our care. Their joys become our joys. Their laughter becomes our laughter.

We celebrate momentous occasions with people — the birth of a baby, a friendship restored, a soul-awakening experience, a marriage (or a remarriage), a heart that is stirred to action to meet the needs of others, healing of the body.

However, along with the joy-filled moments with our people, we also feel deeply their struggles. Their pain becomes our pain.

The loss of a child. A friendship impossible to restore. A worn & weary soul devoid of the passion that once consumed it. A divorce. Apathy for the welfare of others. Decay & death of the body.

And the part they don’t prepare you for in Bible College or Seminary?

There is no time clock to punch which allows us to walk away from this pain. When you hurt…I hurt. And I often keep hurting.

I go home to my family thinking about your pain. I lay in bed at night thinking about your pain. I wake up in the morning and your pain is still fresh on my mind.

Until I go numb.

Until I no longer care about your pain.

Until it is too much to bear so I close off the part of my heart & soul that once felt your pain so deeply.

Have you ever been there? Have you ever been so overwhelmed by the pain of others…by the pain evident in the world around you…that you just go numb?

Natural disasters. War. Terror. Famine. Homelessness. Human trafficking. Abuse in all its forms — physical, emotional, relational, spiritual. Drug & alcohol addictions. Mental illness. Physical illness. Cancer. Self-injury. Suicide. Death.

We live in a globally-connected world and there is tremendous benefit in this interconnectedness. And yet this connection comes at a price. We see the pain of others constantly. We can’t avoid it. It is on our television sets, in our newspapers, in our social media feeds, in our Inboxes.

Never before have we been so connected to others. And never before have we been so numb to the pain of others.

And yet…

There is a solution to this numbness. There is a way — not OUT of the pain — but THROUGH the pain. There is a way to reverse this trend towards the anesthetization of the soul.

Intentional Absence and Intentional Engagement.

We need to practice Intentional Absence. We need to withdraw from society. Disconnect. Be still. Reflect. Pray. Meditate. Sabbath. Seek refuge in the ancient practices of silence & solitude. We need to become unreachable. Go to the wilderness…to your prayer closet…to another zip code…to another state. Intentionally remove yourself from the grasp of & exposure to society. Discover the forgotten rhythms of your body, mind & soul. This will provide refreshment to your soul and give you the strength to fight the irresistible pull towards numbness.

And along with Intentional Absence we need to practice Intentional Engagement. We need to stop watching idly from a distance as the world falls apart around us. We need to move in close to people’s lives — both their joys & their pains. We need to discover that social justice “issues” are actually people with names and faces and hopes and dreams and souls.

We need to engage with an “issue.” Any issue. Whichever issue stirs your heart. Whichever issues makes you mad. Don’t worry about how big of an issue it is. Every issue is big. Every issue is insurmountable. You aren’t called to solve the entire issue on your own. You are simply called to do your small part.

Because your “issue” isn’t an issue. It’s a person. A person in pain. A person who is hurting. A person who needs ten seconds, ten minutes, ten days, ten years of your life.

I believe in a God who has designed us with intense emotions. Happiness. Sadness. Pleasure. Pain. Success. Failure. Joy. Regret. Navigating these rollercoasters of emotions is difficult — whether you are a pastor invited into them on a constant basis or whether you are simply a fellow human being on this journey we call life.

What we cannot…what we MUST NOT…allow ourselves to do is to become numb. Numb to our own pain. Numb to the pain of others.

Protect your soul. Nurture it. Withdraw when necessary. Engage when appropriate. Then you will be able to “laugh with those who laugh and mourn with those who mourn.”