Wait Bravely

I’m not a fan of waiting. I am an activator. An initiator. A strategist. I make things happen; I don’t wait for them to happen. Yet there are moments when God calls us to surrender control…to wait for Him to act. When we are called to such moments, we open ourselves up to some of God’s most transformative work in our lives.

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. (Psalm 27:14)

I made a decision recently that is requiring me to wait. It was a decision that has taken the control of my life out of my hands and put it in someone else’s hands. It was a pretty big decision that was probably made a few years later than it should have been made. It was a decision that — in one sense — matched my personality completely (the part about being an activator). In another sense, it completely contradicts my personality.

I decided to quit my job.

“Big deal, Chris. People quit their jobs and move on to the next one all the time.”

You’re right. They do. But this feels different.

First — as a pastor, my job is relationships. I spend all of my waking hours building relationships with other people and helping them build relationships with God. Multiply this task by twelve years of relational investment in one church and the thought of stepping away from those now familial relationships becomes almost unbearable at times.

“Hhmmm…I’ve never thought about the job of a pastor in that light. That’s kind of a big deal.”

Yeah…it’s a really big deal!

Second — I don’t have another job yet. Being in a job predicated on relationships, I didn’t want to turn in a two-week notice and disappear. The people I lead deserve better than that. So I submitted my resignation a few months ago and then began looking in earnest for a new job.

“You’re an idiot, Chris!”

Yeah…sometimes it feels that way! But it also feels like the way of Jesus which should be very different than the ways of this world.

Not having a job lined-up is the part that doesn’t match my personality. As I said before, I am an activator. An initiator. A strategist. I plan my work and work my plan. I rarely make a decision where uncertainty is the outcome.

In fact, if we could rewind the clock a few years, I would have told you with absolute certainty the plan for my life. Unexpectedly, though, it seems God had different plans for me. Someone once famously said, “Want to hear God laugh? Tell him your plans.” I am discovering the truth behind this phrase!

What does a pastor do when his well-thought-out plan for his life doesn’t turn out the way he expected? What does a pastor do when his plan for his life isn’t HIS plan for his life?

What does a pastor do when he loves the people he is in relationship with but he is sensing the Holy Spirit saying it’s time to walk away?

What does a pastor do when the ministry he leads is thriving but he is sensing the Holy Spirit saying it’s time for someone else to lead?

What does a pastor do when he loves the life he has created for his family but he is sensing the Holy Spirit saying it’s time to change?

He delays the decision. For a long time.

(Note: That’s not what the pastor is supposed to do!)

He delays the decision because he loves the people. Because he loves the programs. Because he loves the unrealized dream and can’t let go of it quite yet. He delays the decision because he loves being loved.

He delays the decision because if he makes the change God is telling him to make, people will be disappointed. People will be confused. People will be upset. It will cause anxiety and turmoil and frustration. (To be fair…these things happen in the hearts of the pastor & his family at even greater levels than they happen in the hearts of church members during times like these.)

He delays the decision because if he makes the change God is telling him to make, there will be lots of questions…

“What’s the real story?”
“What happened that we don’t know about?”
“What are they not telling us?”

I’ve been in the church world for almost two decades now. I know pastoral transitions are never smooth & easy. Even in the best of transitions, there is always something going on behind the scenes that church members don’t know about. Unfortunately, what gets the most press is when the behind-the-scenes actions of the pastor or the church leadership are immoral, unethical or un-Biblical, so we often (wrongly) assume these things are happening in every pastoral transition.

Are there behind-the-scenes things happening in my church right now? Absolutely. Just like there are in every church around the world. Just like there should be as church leaders gather together in “prayer closets” (Matthew 6:5–6) to pray, fast & dream about the future God has for their church. Decisions are made. Changes are initiated. Things that once were are no longer. Things that never were become the new focus. Leaders change. People change. Vision changes. None of these things are inherently wrong. They are just change. Sometimes those changes stir the heart of the pastor. Sometimes they don’t.

What happens when the behind-the-scenes activity is not immoral, unethical or un-Biblical but rather it is simply behind-the-scenes activity taking place in the pastor’s heart?

What happens when a pastor senses his season in a local church is finished? When he no longer feels the passion he once felt? When he begins to lead his ministry on auto-pilot? What happens when a pastor realizes he no longer feels called to his church?

He prays.

He prays for clarity. And when he receives clarity, he prays for confidence to make the decision. And when he makes the decision, he prays for provision. And when the provision doesn’t come in the timing he expects, he waits. Patiently. Bravely. For the Lord to show up and do what only the Lord can do.

So here I sit. Waiting for the Lord to show up. Trusting that I’ve made the decision I was supposed to make. Trusting that even though most people will never understand the behind-the-scenes activity of my heart…the Lord understands.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. (Proverbs 3:5–6, MSG)